Fight for it

And don’t ever let anyone tell you that love is a feeling.

It’s not. 

When you are confronted with something stunning, you have a choice. 

You can look at it once. Maybe twice. You can appreciate it. Feel the shine in the pit of your stomach as it hits you. 

But you won’t make it yours that way. 

If you want to keep love, I’ll tell you what you do.

You take that shine and you run with it.

Lace up those boots, boy. 

Run with it. 

The mud will pull at your feet, your lungs will burn. But you hold on to it, you hear? Pay for it with your sweat. Fuel it with your blood. 

As you earn it, your heart will grow heavy and light. Your soul will fill. Choose it. Every day, wake up and choose it fiercely.

Never look away. 

Ask

No cover 

Open sky 

Millions of worlds trying their best to shine down

Their lights are further, maybe.

But they are brighter, all the same.

The air is thick as she learns what it’s like to lean in to him. 

She is a caution sign, he’ll read it 

and politely acknowledge the suggestion. 

He is warm

Like mist blankets over lakes on hidden mornings.

A contrast and a quiet.

She understands what she doesn’t know.

No cover

But here is now. 

He taught her to ask. 

The wild

The restless

Know only one heart

Forward and never back 

Safety is discomfort

They have to go 

The reckless 

Are who they become when maddened 

Feeling red blur heat and haze 

The defenders 

Must come home

They crave the wild until they become it

But even the wilderness 

Needs the quiet of the burning stars

Not an addict

I’ll never forget 

Waiting outside your apartment 

Your five minutes are thirty

Wondering if I was too late 

You couldn’t stop talking 

Everything poured out 

I hoped it would leave you empty

But there was no peace 

You had something to prove I guess

See

How broken

See

How could you love me 

            (how could I not)

The shame came up 

The truth of who you had been

But I wanted to tell you 

That man is a stranger now 

Just like this man 

I was so scared

My God

Have you ever been so broken 

To be on your ex lover’s couch at 5am

Out of your mind 

Flirting with death

And then puking in your angel’s toilet 

I will

Never

Forget

Holding your shaking body

Trying to get you to eat something 

Finally getting you to bed

You climbed in first but stayed 

close to the edge 

You knew that was my side

It knocked the wind right out of me

When you reached over 

And you clung 

Like I was your last hope

And it hurt

God did it hurt

But I wanted that pain 

I would still take it for you 

You were there again in that moment

I hoped you’d stay 

I woke you up in the morning 

And I still recognized you 

Though you didn’t have as much to say 

I held you again 

In the shower 

You sat down 

Put your head in your hands 

And cried 

I did too

For everything you are 

But can’t be 

For him: I know you

I miss you more than anything, 

I hate that we’re apart.

I promise you you’re not alone, 

For you still have my heart.

Keep it close and warm with yours,

I don’t need it yet.

I’ve learned to live without it

Since the day that we first met.

One day soon I’ll see you, 

We’ll be close and whole once more.

Every smile, moment, memory 

Is something I adore.

The first last time

"No matter what, I'll always adore you."

Always.

While your face is bent.

Cracked screen is your focus.

"And you'll always be perfect." 

Always. 

Bones bare, heart splayed out. 

Eyes have changed. 

Seen things they hoped they wouldn't. 

I can't be perfect anymore. 

But I believed you in that moment. 

Forgive me my weakness

I was a pillar. And I held. 

You wanted strength 

to match. 

Your own

desire was for more. 

Desire does not build walls;

only lays

foundations. 

Bare.

Everything changes

Split the difference.

Splice something new in its place.

The wound will heal. 

Bark will grow over, 

blister over the cuts and 

pull them together. 

It will happen in time. 

In time, everything changes. 

You don't see it happening. 

You never will.

Loving you

Hands open. 

Watch the bird alight. 

It can't stay. But while it is here, let it captivate. 

Appreciate that something wild has chosen boldly, if only for a minute. 

If I stay very still

If my whispers are soft enough 

This could be your hiding place. 

You have to choose it. 

But I think you want it. 

I will leave my hands open. 

You know how to love. You just don't know how to stay. 

Ruined

When love finally came, 

It was nothing like I imagined. 

When we imagine, 

We build with blocks of reality. 

Memories we have known.

Stories we have been told. 

And so how could I have imagined it?

There was no reference.

It was more real than my own body. 

When love crashed into my lungs, 

I learned that I had been suffocating.

My chest expanded. 

It felt so good to stretch open wide. 

And I opened 

I became

More 

than I was. 

More than I could have imagined for myself. 

When love left,

My lungs collapsed.

 

I was left gasping and ruined. 

Intention

To love someone is to see them 
as God intended.

And you were a masterpiece.

You had eyes like an eagle. You saw straight down into the world. 

Your discerning eyes knew the truth. 

You had a heart like a mountain. Your convictions could not be moved.

It did not matter how the rest would bend. 

You had a mind like a river. It cut deeper than anyone could see. 

But you could not control the current.

You were built to be a force of nature. But you knew enough to be afraid of that.

Never would admire it in yourself. 

I got too close to the edge. 

He loves you

"He loves you." 

"I don't care." 

Did you not hear me? He LOVES you. That has to be worth something. 

So few of us have that. Someone who sees our mess, knows it may never get better, and chooses us anyway. 

Who are you to push that away? Why would you make yourself an island when there is a someone ready to build you a bridge out of their own heart? 

He would defend you like his own brother.

He loves you. 

The rest of us are out here drowning in loneliness. 

Wild and waste

I still smell like the last time. 

I should have known then.

You used to pour me out, I'd spill all over your hands. 

Keep me, babe. I'm yours. 

Now

It is becoming a wilderness I hope I never wander again. 

You shine

You may not be able to walk straight 

But your aim was always true.

Your heart was pure and open

And so warm inside. 

Your shy light is blinding

And it wasn't long before I caught fire. 

You made me shine too. 

Framed

Little windows placed on walls.

The moments were never lost on you.  

You wanted to hand him your world and this was the only way you knew how. On small bits of canvas. 

The creases in his face were birthed into this world for you. He watched your hands imagine more than there was. 

You gave him everything in living colour. Oils and acrylics and flesh. He took everything you gave and lifted it up. He built around it and made it safe and whole. 

He framed all your beauty. 

You didn't think you could

There was no lion left inside your heart. 

Nothing bold, beautiful, proud, or loud. 

There was a tired open gate of a round circus pen, empty dirt paddock, and that's about all. 

It was quiet. Not even a whisper of hurt. Not even a shadow of former glory. Had there even been any glory? No one talks about it. 

You didn't think anything else would ever live there. Just left that rusty gate hanging open. Nothing to keep in, nothing to keep out. Nothing to contain and nothing to protect. 

What wild thing would ever wander to such a place? What stunning beast would subject itself to captivity? Especially in a place like this. 

But when you didn't think you could, you found more. 

The Phoenix found you first. With a shriek into the lack it filled every corner you had forgotten. Wings folded, it came to rest in this place.

All you could do was watch. What is a lion compared to the Phoenix? What is mortality in the light of all time? 

And here you didn't think you could contain anything beautiful. But you can.

Because you left the gate open.

For once in your life

Do something brave.

Reach out and find a beating heart, wrap your fist around it and feel the heat. 

Lift it high, blood trailing over your forearms.

Breathe. 

Look her in the eyes and tell her you 

will

not

drop it.

Lift it higher.

Higher, over your head. 

Close your eyes. Grow two oaks, one on either side. Pull the oaks up from the ground, root them deep and stretch them high. Cause them to reach just below the clouds. 

The air is fresh, your lungs are clean. 

Coated in red iron beauty, hands lifted high, 

Your arms built this.